I like to imagine myself with my own little flat, probably on the outskirts of a city somewhere, and probably near to the sea. I would unlock my door after a long day at work, and be greeted by two cats, the friendly ones who love a good stroke. I would curl up with a book on my sofa under a lovely patchwork blanket I picked up from a charity shop. I would be surrounded by book shelves stacked with second hand books, and house plants that I sometimes forget to water, but they're not the fussiest kinds of plants so were still living.
I imagine having a small kitchen, with cupboards I'd scruffily painted over myself. I wouldn't have a lot of cutlery or much crockery but would have plenty of mugs for my endless cups of tea. White with two sugars. I would probably end up eating microwaved noodles in them by the end of the week when I hadn't done the washing up.
I would have a desk somewhere, whether in my bedroom or the lounge I'm not sure. But it would be my creative space with paints and sketchbooks and posters hung up around it for inspiration. I would sit there for hours every day when I felt even a spark of motivation.
My bed would be made up of lots of cushions and blankets I'd collected up over the years, and would be a cosy, peaceful space to return to at night, with a velux window as to listen to the falling rain on a dreary evening.
In the morning I would get up early and take a journal to my local coffee shop, writing lists of things to get done that day, maybe doing a spot of drawing and listening to a chilled out playlist.
I don't know if this place will ever be a reality but I like to think of it occasionally. It's a safe place to wonder around when I think about my future.
Tuesday, 31 March 2015
Sunday, 29 March 2015
India on a Shoestring - Part Three
We got a long train starting in the early hours in the morning, and let me tell you, it was absolutely freezing. We had been warned it would be cold, but this was mad. I couldn't feel my toes or fingers and had two thick jumpers on. Probably my least favourite journey of the trip (and none of the journeys were particularly fun) but I still managed to sleep on the train, and read some of my book, Gone Girl.
having a nap on a local train
We got tuk tuks on the other side of the journey, Jaisalmer was a lot warmer than the other places so far, so it was nice to strip back my layers of jumpers. We visited the gorgeous lake in the afternoon, along with the buildings to the side of it: a palace and hindu temple. We then watched the sunset sat on some steps the far side of the lake, it was incredibly peaceful and possibly the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen. That evening we went for drinks in one of the hotel rooms and drunk a bit too much Indian Rum (that stuff is strong so it's easy to do), we also got to meet a few people off of the other G Adventures tour group who were a day ahead of us on the same tour.
The next day, cradling a bad hangover, we had a lie in before heading to Jaisalmer Fort. The fort was amazing and the views stunning: looking over the whole of Jaisalmer, the golden city. We then went to a fabric shop where they sold things like pashmina scarfs, Suz, Ella and I left early though after having a little browse as the three of us were tired and just wanted time to relax. We got a tuk tuk back to the hotel and spent the remainder of the day by the pool trying to get a tan.
Sunset over Jaisalmer Lake
view from Jaisalmer Fort
Jaisalmer was an amazing city and a place I would love to come back and visit one day. We only spent two nights there so I feel like I could have seen more, especially of the fort and surrounding area, as all I wanted to do on the second day was curl up in a ball and sleep.
Friday, 27 March 2015
Boring Days
On social platforms people only put forward the best of themselves, their best selfies, holidays, travels, clean and tidy rooms, to the point I almost forget people have "boring days."
Today for me is a bed day. I have barely left my room, I haven't got changed and I'm sat listening to music on repeat as I think about how I should probably be doing something more than this.
Sometimes life isn't all about travelling and beautiful makeup and new clothes, sometimes the most I will do is make a dent in that massive pile of washing, change my bed covers, or wash my hair. The big thing for me is to not feel bad about it. Sure, it's better to have a productive day, but sometimes, quite frankly, I cannot be bothered. I've always got tomorrow, right?! I need to tell myself to stop trying to do everything and take a break once in a while. If I manage to do one thing on my list of chores today, that is a step forward and I will be happy.
Today for me is a bed day. I have barely left my room, I haven't got changed and I'm sat listening to music on repeat as I think about how I should probably be doing something more than this.
Sometimes life isn't all about travelling and beautiful makeup and new clothes, sometimes the most I will do is make a dent in that massive pile of washing, change my bed covers, or wash my hair. The big thing for me is to not feel bad about it. Sure, it's better to have a productive day, but sometimes, quite frankly, I cannot be bothered. I've always got tomorrow, right?! I need to tell myself to stop trying to do everything and take a break once in a while. If I manage to do one thing on my list of chores today, that is a step forward and I will be happy.
Tuesday, 24 March 2015
How to be lucky
I consider myself a pretty lucky person. The chances of me ever being born were tiny, and then the chance that I would be human, an intelligent and dominating species on earth, even smaller. Then again the chance that I would be reasonably well off, have been educated, have a constant supply of running water... minute. So already, I think I am incredibly lucky and try to live every day knowing this.
But on a smaller scale, why is it that some days I feel like I have good luck and some days I have bad? It can be caused by any variables I can't control, like the weather or who and what I come across that day. But actually, the real variable is my attitude. If I wake up and point out every good thing that happens to me that day, I'm sure to have a brilliant day, whereas if I wake up and point out everything which doesn't go right, I'm not sure how good I'm going to be feeling by the end of that day.
Being lucky is having friends who care about me, being lucky is going on adventures across the world, being lucky is fulfilling all my ambitions, and none of that happens by chance. I make it happen, so therefore, luck is controllable.
But on a smaller scale, why is it that some days I feel like I have good luck and some days I have bad? It can be caused by any variables I can't control, like the weather or who and what I come across that day. But actually, the real variable is my attitude. If I wake up and point out every good thing that happens to me that day, I'm sure to have a brilliant day, whereas if I wake up and point out everything which doesn't go right, I'm not sure how good I'm going to be feeling by the end of that day.
Being lucky is having friends who care about me, being lucky is going on adventures across the world, being lucky is fulfilling all my ambitions, and none of that happens by chance. I make it happen, so therefore, luck is controllable.
Overcoming Anxiety
First things first. I suffer with anxiety. I have known that I suffer with anxiety since the age of 16, when I did my own research into what the hell was wrong with me. Back then I got incredibly nervous and panicky going into school, to the point where I would try and fake illnesses every other day just to get away from it. It didn't work because my mum was pretty strict with that sort of thing, so the best I could do was getting to go for some peace and quiet in the school sick bay. The worst times for me were when I had to present in front of a class, had to do any sort of reading out loud (where I would stammer over every single word to the point which it was painful to listen), and as I later found in sixth form, talking to boys - up until then I had gone to a girls school so didn't know this was a problem.
If you haven't experienced anxiety, the best comparison I have come across is the fear you would get if you came face to face with a hungry tiger that was about to attack you, rationally you would panic and prepare to run away or defend yourself (the fight or flight response which is widely known in psychology), that would be normal. But in the case of anxiety, there is no tiger. The thing you are fearing is not real, yet the fear itself is completely real.
At age 17 I was put on medication by a doctor who suggested this would be a short term solution because he thought that after exams passed, so would my anxiety. I also started seeing counsellors, who helped to an extent, but they were much more interested in my depression than my anxiety, but truth be told my depression had stemmed from anxiety, from the utter hopelessness I felt of dealing with every day situations and day to day life. After my exams my anxiety carried on as prominent as ever, as I had expected. I was put on antidepressants, dropped out of sixth form and carried on with counselling. Up to that point I hadn't been completely honest about my anxiety, I couldn't even bring myself to explain that I got embarrassed by boys, I found the whole thing just so ridiculous that I didn't want anyone to know what my anxiety was from. It was only when I started seeing my most recent counsellor at 18 called Megan, who I was honest with, that I started to realise that the whole boy-phobia thing wasn't absolutely insane. She didn't treat me like my anxieties were ridiculous, and maybe other people wouldn't either.
After that I started telling people about my anxiety in a lighthearted way, shrugging it off as something that I had, something that happened and was just a part of me. I realised that once people knew, I found it a lot easier to be around them. They could understand to some extent what was happening to me, so wouldn't judge me, so I had no reason to get anxious in the first place. Obviously this didn't work all the time, but it certainly helped a lot.
Another thing my silly mind seemed to do (and still does) is build up associations with people and places. If I panic once around a person, my mind will think I'm going to do the same every single time I see them, and as a self fulfilling prophecy, I then do. I haven't got control over this yet, but rather just tell my mind to shut up when I start thinking these things and try to make myself be around this person more instead of avoiding them, as the more I see this person, the easier it is to overcome.
I still very much have anxiety, I have panicked and freaked out so many times in the last month alone, but that's okay, it's nothing new, I am used to it. It wasn't the first time and it most certainly won't be the last. I'm okay with my worry bugs, and I embrace them as a part of me which is something I couldn't do until recently.
If you haven't experienced anxiety, the best comparison I have come across is the fear you would get if you came face to face with a hungry tiger that was about to attack you, rationally you would panic and prepare to run away or defend yourself (the fight or flight response which is widely known in psychology), that would be normal. But in the case of anxiety, there is no tiger. The thing you are fearing is not real, yet the fear itself is completely real.
At age 17 I was put on medication by a doctor who suggested this would be a short term solution because he thought that after exams passed, so would my anxiety. I also started seeing counsellors, who helped to an extent, but they were much more interested in my depression than my anxiety, but truth be told my depression had stemmed from anxiety, from the utter hopelessness I felt of dealing with every day situations and day to day life. After my exams my anxiety carried on as prominent as ever, as I had expected. I was put on antidepressants, dropped out of sixth form and carried on with counselling. Up to that point I hadn't been completely honest about my anxiety, I couldn't even bring myself to explain that I got embarrassed by boys, I found the whole thing just so ridiculous that I didn't want anyone to know what my anxiety was from. It was only when I started seeing my most recent counsellor at 18 called Megan, who I was honest with, that I started to realise that the whole boy-phobia thing wasn't absolutely insane. She didn't treat me like my anxieties were ridiculous, and maybe other people wouldn't either.
After that I started telling people about my anxiety in a lighthearted way, shrugging it off as something that I had, something that happened and was just a part of me. I realised that once people knew, I found it a lot easier to be around them. They could understand to some extent what was happening to me, so wouldn't judge me, so I had no reason to get anxious in the first place. Obviously this didn't work all the time, but it certainly helped a lot.
Another thing my silly mind seemed to do (and still does) is build up associations with people and places. If I panic once around a person, my mind will think I'm going to do the same every single time I see them, and as a self fulfilling prophecy, I then do. I haven't got control over this yet, but rather just tell my mind to shut up when I start thinking these things and try to make myself be around this person more instead of avoiding them, as the more I see this person, the easier it is to overcome.
I still very much have anxiety, I have panicked and freaked out so many times in the last month alone, but that's okay, it's nothing new, I am used to it. It wasn't the first time and it most certainly won't be the last. I'm okay with my worry bugs, and I embrace them as a part of me which is something I couldn't do until recently.
How to go travelling
I am happiest when I am moving. I don't like to feel like my life is at a standstill and like to inspire my future in any way I can.
I am extremely happy at the moment because I have travels coming up, this is a massive adventure for me and something I know I am passionate about. I can't wait to pack up and just go. Deciding to travel is a massive scary-exciting leap, but so worth it, you get to delve into the unknown, into stuff you've never experienced before.
My advice is make that initial decision to go travelling, obviously the main thing you will need is the money, because you're not going anywhere if you can't afford the flights and living costs. my travelling friend said something to me which sticks in my mind, money doesn't buy happiness but it does buy choices.
Once you have made the decision to go and have the money to do so, the rest will fall into place. If you're not sure how to go about it there are plenty of companies out there that can help out, the one company for me which has been a massive help is STA travel, they arranged one of my tours for me and booked every single one of my flights. They can also help when it comes to travel insurance, travel cards etc.
Plane tickets are the most pricey things you will be buying, so plan your routes and book those flights. I know that STA lets you pay in chunks if you're unable to pay it all in one go. Once you know that's booked you can start planning the exciting things, so get that out the way and the fun details are up next.
You need to think about whether you want to go on a tour, or explore alone, there are advantages and disadvantages to both, but for a new traveller I would advise starting with a tour, just to get you going. I did a tour in India and I loved it, it gives you a chance to meet loads of other travellers and make some good friends who have similar passions in life.
One thing which has been a huge help and inspiration for my travels is Pinterest. Set up a pin board for each destination of your trip and get pinning! Simply type where you're going into the search bar and things will flow in of what to do there. For example, I have a pin board of my upcoming trip to Indonesia and I have an ever growing amount of pins of things to do there, most coming with information, maps or blog posts on the place.
I am extremely happy at the moment because I have travels coming up, this is a massive adventure for me and something I know I am passionate about. I can't wait to pack up and just go. Deciding to travel is a massive scary-exciting leap, but so worth it, you get to delve into the unknown, into stuff you've never experienced before.
My advice is make that initial decision to go travelling, obviously the main thing you will need is the money, because you're not going anywhere if you can't afford the flights and living costs. my travelling friend said something to me which sticks in my mind, money doesn't buy happiness but it does buy choices.
Once you have made the decision to go and have the money to do so, the rest will fall into place. If you're not sure how to go about it there are plenty of companies out there that can help out, the one company for me which has been a massive help is STA travel, they arranged one of my tours for me and booked every single one of my flights. They can also help when it comes to travel insurance, travel cards etc.
Plane tickets are the most pricey things you will be buying, so plan your routes and book those flights. I know that STA lets you pay in chunks if you're unable to pay it all in one go. Once you know that's booked you can start planning the exciting things, so get that out the way and the fun details are up next.
You need to think about whether you want to go on a tour, or explore alone, there are advantages and disadvantages to both, but for a new traveller I would advise starting with a tour, just to get you going. I did a tour in India and I loved it, it gives you a chance to meet loads of other travellers and make some good friends who have similar passions in life.
One thing which has been a huge help and inspiration for my travels is Pinterest. Set up a pin board for each destination of your trip and get pinning! Simply type where you're going into the search bar and things will flow in of what to do there. For example, I have a pin board of my upcoming trip to Indonesia and I have an ever growing amount of pins of things to do there, most coming with information, maps or blog posts on the place.
I then got hold of a map of each island I'm going to and plotted where each of these attractions were in relation to each other, and researched how to get to each of the places. It may seem tricky at first but you will find there are many modes of transportation which travellers use, such as buses and night trains, and many travellers will be doing the same routes. There are also day trips to local attractions being advertised out there everywhere, so as long as you're in the right areas you will be okay.
Last of all, relax and enjoy, even if you don't get to do everything on your list, you will still have a life changing trip and get to experience a completely different way of life and culture. There is something pretty freeing not knowing where your next bed is going to be and just living moment to moment. I would recommend travelling to anyone, at least to try it to find out if its your cup of tea or not. And as I found out in India, I could drink this tea forever.
Monday, 23 March 2015
5 things to watch that make you think
1. Blackfish
I decided to give this a watch after reading a blog post on the cruelty of Sea World. This is a documentary about Killer Whales in captivity and one killer whale in particular kept at Sea World called Tilikum, who has been involved with the death of three people. However this documentary makes it obvious that the real problem lies with the corporation rather than the behaviour shown by Tilikum, who was lashing out due to years of being kept in captivity and made to perform for an audience. It's a very gripping watch and one that has changed my view of Sea World forever, having previously known next to nothing.
2. Black Mirror
This is a chilling series on the use of technology in a fictional but somewhat familiar world. It is sorta fucked up, but so interesting and very close to home, lots of plot twists and turns so is sometimes difficult to get a grasp of what's going on until the very end. Therefore best to give it two watches! The show was created by comedian Charlie Brooker, he also created one of my other favourite tv shows 'Dead Set' which is also definitely worth a watch if you like zombies, puts a modern spin on the classic zombie horror, pretty disturbing with some dark humour mixed in.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
A love story acted out by Jim Carey and Kate Winslet, yet is so much more than that to make it truly memorable. It's well written and intelligent and has some really good imagery regarding memories and the loss of them. Set in a slightly futuristic world where it is possible to wipe memories from past events. Jim Carey's character decides to wipe his latest relationship, but when there is nothing left but the good memories from the start of relationship, why would you want to forget it all?
4. Earthlings
This documentary made me seriously consider vegetarianism again, but without being pushy and pro-veggie. It tells the facts about animals, talks about pain and their treatment by humans, even though they have as much right to be on this earth as us. Made me cry a few times, it's a very difficult watch but a complete eye opener as to what goes on in slaughterhouses on a daily basis.
5. American Psycho
A Christian Bale film, similar in many ways to The Wolf of Wall Street. A very odd watch but again one I won't forget easily, has elements of narcissism, materialism, misogyny, classism to name a few, and also dabbles in some dark humour. Leaves you wondering what exactly happened and can be interpreted differently by different people. Very cleverly written and anyone who finds psychopaths fascinating (like me) will love this.
I decided to give this a watch after reading a blog post on the cruelty of Sea World. This is a documentary about Killer Whales in captivity and one killer whale in particular kept at Sea World called Tilikum, who has been involved with the death of three people. However this documentary makes it obvious that the real problem lies with the corporation rather than the behaviour shown by Tilikum, who was lashing out due to years of being kept in captivity and made to perform for an audience. It's a very gripping watch and one that has changed my view of Sea World forever, having previously known next to nothing.
2. Black Mirror
This is a chilling series on the use of technology in a fictional but somewhat familiar world. It is sorta fucked up, but so interesting and very close to home, lots of plot twists and turns so is sometimes difficult to get a grasp of what's going on until the very end. Therefore best to give it two watches! The show was created by comedian Charlie Brooker, he also created one of my other favourite tv shows 'Dead Set' which is also definitely worth a watch if you like zombies, puts a modern spin on the classic zombie horror, pretty disturbing with some dark humour mixed in.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
A love story acted out by Jim Carey and Kate Winslet, yet is so much more than that to make it truly memorable. It's well written and intelligent and has some really good imagery regarding memories and the loss of them. Set in a slightly futuristic world where it is possible to wipe memories from past events. Jim Carey's character decides to wipe his latest relationship, but when there is nothing left but the good memories from the start of relationship, why would you want to forget it all?
4. Earthlings
This documentary made me seriously consider vegetarianism again, but without being pushy and pro-veggie. It tells the facts about animals, talks about pain and their treatment by humans, even though they have as much right to be on this earth as us. Made me cry a few times, it's a very difficult watch but a complete eye opener as to what goes on in slaughterhouses on a daily basis.
5. American Psycho
A Christian Bale film, similar in many ways to The Wolf of Wall Street. A very odd watch but again one I won't forget easily, has elements of narcissism, materialism, misogyny, classism to name a few, and also dabbles in some dark humour. Leaves you wondering what exactly happened and can be interpreted differently by different people. Very cleverly written and anyone who finds psychopaths fascinating (like me) will love this.
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